26.5.23

Things must be experienced

for the art to come.

The water ruins the paper

just as much as it does the device.

So be it, your bath, your ocean,

your rain and your tears,

even the fog turns everything

a little warpy. I am in love again,

throw me in the shallow end.

I’ll wade out myself

and feel the ripples of sand

massage my feet.

We’ll learn something.

Like how the air smells

on this exact day

with the sun at that

precise angle.

Now is the time

To turn your pages in,

The water is too much.

Nothing left to do but swim.

8.7.17

I wake up and
my body feels like half a body.
Lying naked on my side,
I see myself in two dimensions.
Pink paper doll.
If I rolled over I’d expose the space
of something missing,
half a body
empty, hollow,
like a stage set building
elaborate on one side
exposed beams on the other.
Here’s the plywood prop
holding up my lung.
Here’s the ways
I spend my days
doing my best to fill the space,
determined to feel whole
on my own
but it’s too late;

my body is just half a body.

18.12.16

I recline, and glow

with the knowledge of you

as the moon rises

reflecting the sun

I carry your absence

I carry the weight of your absence.
Some days I get lighter as I learn
acceptance of what is, learn
the tao of letting things be
but still
as I dance and smile
I carry the weight of your absence.

it’s a small but heavy ache
a smooth stone sitting in my chest
heavy sighs come thick
attempt to dislodge
this stone I yet still love to carry

i love you
and I am gifted
small moments of pearly joy and
jewelled taste,
the moments I see you & smile
together, touch & feel
the miracle of how we move together

and when with words we
find some new depth
of understanding,
some richness of real
another layer cleared away
there is movement finally,
I feel the breeze, fresh air
on my skin like at home

but it is so long in between
drinks
from a running source
our waters slow,
become still
the air is stale

I carry the weight of your absence
sitting stonelike and still
unmoving & unchanging.
Caught in limbo we
cannot move forward
cannot step back
a slow distance grows and even
as we learn acceptance even
as we become calmer
this stagnancy drowns us slowly

my life grows, takes root, blossoms
comes alive around it
but this one seed
at the heart of it all
containing a waiting universe
sits dormant
remains quiet
I carry it inside me
I carry the weight of your absence
and our sleeping love story

7.5.16

4.12.15

I love you so much.  it’s eating away at me quietly tonight,

a slow ebb of dissolution

how warm and calm it is here and i

want more than anything to sit on the porch

with you and talk

or be silent.

words

do you feel
how the words have died
become empty & dry

but words are all we have
we try to touch
reaching out over the distance

but the space
is too great
and the words are dying

dusty
desperate
words

i love you

1.12.15

Your lips destroy me.
How many cliches can I use?
They haunt and cloy to every moment
and my hands carry the imprint
of the sides of your face.
You follow me
everywhere, to every thought.
Your love pulls me back every time
my body and my mind,
away from you I carry on
but something is gone.
Life is more real when you are near.
You are the realest thing
I ever kissed,
and your love destroys
my every fear.

inky little heart

If I could live two lifetimes
one of them would be forever yours,
I would be covered in tattoos
and lay with you always as we do now
reflecting art upon each other

and you could kiss me in the perfect way you do
every day for always
if I could live two lives
split myself asunder
I would give one of me to you

If I could live two lifetimes,
one of them would see me covered
always in your perfect words,
within your heart that meets me
as I have never before been met

all the perfect things between us
could float unchanged as we age
and I know they will, and yet
there are other parts of me now
changing faster, every day

if I could be two people,
your girl would never leave your side
I could bask forever in your beautiful smile
ask your skin to please, never
stop touching mine

no one before
has seen me as you do,
given me confidence in permanence
the courage to ink my skin
and desire a forever
if my future was sealed,
as I almost thought it was
I could put aside my uneasy heart
and rest comfortable
in the arms of your promise

if I could belong to you
as well as to myself
but I cannot
and I do not

…and yet I do

each further step I take
leads a stinging river of dark
along the paths your love left
deeper into my chest

and my inky little heart
is, for you, forever marked.

11.1.14

I am in salt air
feet dangling
midday heat singing through the bush.
lover is in my bed,
across the river
sleeping his heavy head through the day.

How you have taken up
residence here.
how my bones speak of you
and blood whispers –
I take 3 steps away
and my nerves stretch.
“go,” they say,
“we need to go”
but all the while
they root in your hands
and tie gentle knots around my wrists.

taste

Let your fingers taste my mouth.
maybe I am honey-sweet,
or maybe I bite
like chilli in a chocolate cake.
Let me let you love me
kiss each knuckle on my hand
(it carries more punch
to feel it more than hear it – )
to say that you will fight
alongside or ringside
when I am too tired to swing,
you will carry me gently to bed
and kiss me into softness.
remind me there is another day
to float, and stinging
only drains us anyway.
Love me into singing silence.
Shush my furrows and my brow-knits
that crinkle down my nose and jump,
uninvited
into my voice.
You are my deepest breath.
I will hold you in my mouth one moment longer
and kiss you, beautiful,
tasting you tasting me.

July ’14